One of my favourite quotes 💡📌

^"Believe you can and you're halfway there^"

Theodore Roosevelt

Leadership Spotlight ✨✨

On Confidence

You usually only think about it when you’re lacking it – on all other days, you go through your life as though it is the most natural thing in the world for you to have it.

Clammy hands, palpitations, sweat beading on the back of your neck, stumbling over your own words, the inclination to walk away from whichever is up next that brought forward these physical reactions in the first place.

I am referring to Confidence – with a capital C.

Where the word comes from

The word originates from the Latin confīdĕre (“to trust completely”) which combines the prefix con- (meaning “with” or intensive) and fīdere (“to trust” or “to have faith”).^[1]  In essence, the term literally meant “with trust” or “with faith.”  Early uses of confidence in Middle English (circa 1400) reflected this sense of trust and reliance.  For example, to have “confidence” in someone meant to firmly trust in that person’s honesty or ability.  By the mid-15th century, the meaning expanded to include “reliance on one’s own powers or circumstances, self-assurance,” marking the emergence of the concept of self-confidence. ^[2]

Quiet Confidence

Today, when we speak of confidence in the personal sense, we usually mean a state of assured trust in oneself – a belief in one’s own abilities or judgments – echoing that original idea of faith in the self.

It's important for me to point out that I am referring to the kind of Confidence that is quiet, hovering in the background and simply ‘is’.  This, as opposed to the other type of Confidence which is loud, standing at the front of a preferably elevated stage and extremely busy ‘doing’.  That, to me, is not Confidence: it is fear dressed up as Confidence, hoping not to be found out. Yet, it always does – at least by the Confident attendants in the room.

Tales of Confidence in Leadership

 I have lost count of the amount of times I have sat in a room with a senior leader who openly admitted they did not know what to do, they did not understand what their leader meant in the meeting, they were at a loss of how to reach their business targets – even more so as to how to speak with their team.  If you had met any of these leaders, you would not believe me.  You would tell me that, surely, I must have misunderstood. 

These leaders showed up fully suited, striding into the office every day, greeting everyone, making pleasant banter, attending meetings in that typical ‘I’ve got this’ pose with wide arm movements whilst leaning back in their chairs. 

Yet behind the closed door of a non-descript meeting room, they’d drop the mask and reveal how scared they really were. 

What. A. Loss.  Truly. 

This fear prevented them from achieving what they had set out to achieve.  They grew hesitant in taking decisions – especially the hard ones.  They made a small decision, got nervous, pulled back again, had second thoughts, made a giant leap, another round of cold sweats and endless pondering, only to eventually pull back for good.

Apart from the obvious stress this would cause them personally – it meant so many new initatives remained unfinished or finished but never reaching the heights they could have reached or, perhaps worse, abandoned and closed because ‘it did not work’.

We will never know. Suffice to say Confidence is essential to success in business.

Why good leaders are confident

And Confidence is what sets good leaders apart from the others:

“A players hire A players.  B players hire C players.”

Why?  Because A players have the Confidence to do so.  They are confident enough in their own abilities to invite more A players on their team and truly believe this will allow them to build something great – together.  B players however, lack this confidence in themselves and therefore feel threatened by A players.  Hence, they will only ever hire C players. 

In the very early days of my career, I could not believe this would be true.  Why would all those (seemingly) confident great leaders NOT want to hire the best talent out there?  I was only four years into my career, in my second leadership role, when I found out this saying was oh so true.

Confidence matters. 

It matters if we want to introduce new ways, new paradigms, new tech, new models in business.  It matters if we want to attract the A players to help build all of this NEW.

Building Confidence as a leader

 So how do you build Confidence?  The quiet type, not the loud wannabe one.

 Here are the five key actions I would take as a first step:

1. Pro Preparation

2.  Balanced Body Language

3. No Nerves Nothing

4. Stack Small Successes

5.  Confidence Cum Curiosity

1. Pro Preparation

It’s not that quiet Confident leaders are never scared.  They’re people too after all.  The difference is that they often come prepared.   Prepared as in knowing the facts, practising their pitch, and clarifying their message.  Doing this, reduces mental load and boosts their ability to speak with conviction. YOU can do this too!

How?

• Write out your talking points, practise them by saying them aloud

• Anticipate difficult questions and plan your replies

• Use a personal “preparation ritual” before key moments

2.  Balanced Body Language

Your body speaks before you do.  Imagine a leader relaying a difficult message, staring at his feet, mumbling and looking at the slides rather than his audience.  How would you feel listening to this message?  Now imagine that same message delivered to you by a leader who stands tall, makes eye contact, and uses open gestures.  See the difference?  (That is why my first point on preparation is so important!).   Confident body language builds trust, signals decisiveness, and reduces doubt in others.  Now, over to you!

How?

• Keep your shoulders back and chin parallel to the ground

• Use a calm, steady tone: avoid fillers like “um” or “just”

• Practice speaking while standing with both feet firmly planted (and practice Amy Cuddy’s power pose just before any big conversation or presentation)

! Cultural note: In some cultures, direct eye contact can feel aggressive.  Learn the confidence cues that align with your team or audience’s norms.

3.  No Nerves Nothing

Most people feel nervous before a presentation or tough conversation?  Even Confident leaders.  If you’ve ever tried to push that feeling down, you know that usually doesn’t work.  So what can you instead?  Relabel it.  Tell yourself, “I’m excited.”  Harvard research shows that reinterpreting anxiety as excitement taps into the same physiological state but frames it positively^3.  So leaders who use this trick perform better under pressure.

HOW?

• Before walking into the room, say: “I’m ready” instead of “I hope this goes okay”

• Think of adrenaline as fuel, not a threat

• Take deep breaths, then smile (genuinely) before speaking (this also works for phone conversations: stand up while speaking and smile. Sounds ridiculous yet it works.)

4.  Stack Small Successes

You cannot THINK yourself into Confidence – as much as I wished that would be possible. Confidence is built through experience.  Think back to the very beginning of your career: what was scary back then?  Is that still scary today?  Or do you do that scary thing fifteen times a day without so much as blinking?  I would bet it’s the latter…  Every time you do something outside your comfort zone and succeed, you send yourself evidence: “I can handle this.”  Psychologist Albert Bandura calls this “mastery experience,” and it’s the most effective way to build long-term self-confidence^4.

HOW?

• Say yes to a stretch assignment

• Speak up once in a meeting this week, even if briefly (next level: speak up within the first 5 minutes in ANY meeting you attend)

• Keep a success journal where you track weekly wins, no matter how small

Over time, these actions shift your self-image from “I hope I can” to “I’ve got this”

5. Confidence Cum Curiosity

Confidence doesn’t mean that you have all the answers.  Actually, the most respected leaders combine strong self-belief with a willingness to learn.  This quiet confidence builds credibility and trust.  People follow leaders who have strong values and, because they have a strong belief in those values, are open to new perspectives.  They are willing to listen and able to reflect on new approaches without feeling threatened.

HOW?

• Say “Here’s what I think. What’s your take?”

• Acknowledge what you don’t know without apologizing for it

• Let others see you learn in real time. It’s a mark of strength, not weakness.

Confidence is cultivated through preparation, presence, mindset, experience, and humility. You don’t have to feel 100% confident as a leader.  In fact, action often precedes belief.

Start with one action above.  Repeat.  Adjust.  Build.  Confidence follows.

Which of these 5 will you try this week? Hit reply: I’d love to hear.

References
^[1] confidence - Wiktionary, the free dictionary

^[2] Etymology of "confidence" by etymonline

^[3] Brooks, A. W. (2014). Get excited: Reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(3), 1144–1158.

^[4] Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215.

My right now resources 📊🔎

A short overview of stuff I’ve been engaging with lately

• Book 📚️ De Bermudadriehoek van Talent by Simon van Teutem (a book about young talent - in Dutch)

• Music 🎵 Brol by Angèle (amazing Belgian artist!)

• Watching 🎥 The Four Seasons on Netflix (because… Tina Fey)

• Podcast 📻️ Lederens Dilemma on Børsen (a podcast on Leadership - in Danish)

• Software 👩‍💻 Anything AI - (I am challenging myself to go beyond daily use and use it as my official employee nr. 1. Includes experimenting with various tools, prompts while doing online course with AI experts.)